I discovered my calling to tell my story from a very profound experience I had during a sensory deprivation tank session. From that experience I realized how important it is for me to tell others that healing from rock bottom is possible.

You can heal from your trauma. I am living proof that it can be done.

Take a deep breath and close your eyes.

You are a warrior and you will overcome this pain in your life.

My story is not meant to contend for the gold medal in the suffering Olympics. There have been things that have happened to me in life that pushed me to the limit as to whether or not I wanted to carry on living, but I chose to push forward no matter what.

I grew up with my sister with my dad raising both of us. My parents divorced when I was 5 years old. Unfortunately, my mom chose alcohol over her future relationship with her kids, so I never became truly close with my mom.

I had a normal childhood for the most part. Of course bullying was a factor I had to deal with, but I had tennis and good friends to keep me focused throughout my high school years. Even with the positivity in my life I still felt inadequate and worthless. The demon of self doubt was always present in my life and I was terrified to confront it. I fell deeper and deeper into the well of misery and soon wished that the well would fill so I could just drown and not have to ever come face to face with that demon.

At 17 years old I became suicidal. I came close to making a decision I would have regretted for the rest of my life, but there was a voice that told me to keep going and see where the rest of my life would take me. After high school I joined the Air Force and spent 9 years of my life in the service.

Throughout my early 20s in the air force, I was happy and well adjusted. I would get anxious from time to time but I never realized how deep my anxiety journey would take me until I deployed overseas.

My time overseas really hit me hard. Not only was I exposed to the most unimaginable violent images, but I also had an intense existential crisis about what I was doing serving a machine that kills as its sole function. I was not comfortable with the amount of civilian deaths that occurred as a result of the US war effort, so once I got home I separated, but the specter of panic and anxiety would test me again.

I never knew what PTSD was, but I was thrown head first into that world once I got home. I would wake up at night in gripping fear, completely disoriented, alone and unsure what to do. These panic episodes kept occurring each night. I needed to get help. After therapy and a lot of hard work, I managed to sleep nights in peace knowing that I cannot bear the burden for all the evil in the world. I also had a strong calling to try and heal from my trauma and become a warrior so that I could prove that even the coldest darkest night cannot extinguish the tiny ember of a defiant voice.

I am proud to say that I recovered from deeply entrenched anxiety naturally. It wasn’t easy, but I believe that I was worth the effort. You are worth the effort too.

Each day is a new opportunity to defy the bullies, abusers and manipulators for me. I am fortunate to have found success at a young age, but my mission will continue.

Warrior Zen will serve as a beacon of hope for people who are struggling with their mental health. I can provide my experience and what has worked for me, but in the end you have to be the one to convince yourself that you are worth healing.

Don’t let the world break you. Your inner strength can crush planets if you truly believe in yourself. I am alive because I listened to my inner warrior and I know you can truly live if you listen to yours.