Our mind loves stability and routine. That’s why growing up in a two parent household greatly reduces the risk of long term chronic anxiety. Not everyone is so lucky to have both parents at home, but there is hope for healing.

My Experience with divorced parents

My dad and mom divorced when I was 5 years old. I still vividly remember the scene of being rescued from my grandmother’s house in Indiana by my father. Three or four police cruisers were outside lights strobing in an almost hypnotic rhythm. My mother was crying and desperately pleading for my father not to take me home to Ohio.

I was scared. I was emotionally drained and confused. In the end the best decision was for my father to raise both me and my sister since my mother was well into living her life involved with alcohol and felon boyfriends.

I did not want to leave my mothers side, but I had no choice

Having the freedom to choose things in life can greatly increase our sense of calm and hope for the future. When a child is put through a traumatic event the trauma can be greatly magnified since a child’s mind is not fully developed to handle intense emotion.

My dad raised me well but I still hurt emotionally all the time

Throughout my school years I had a good social circle. I had two really close friends throughout elementary and middle school but some nights I would cry alone because I missed my mom so badly. I used to write letters to my mom but never send them since I didn’t know her address. As an adult I understand why my dad needed custody but processing that sense of loneliness and pain from not having mom around left deep psychological scars. A boy needs his mom. A boy needs his dad. Most importantly a boy needs love from his parents. In the absence of love from a major person in life, anxiety fills the void.

How to heal anxiety from a fractured parental relationship

Very few homes in America would be considered whole. The amount of divorces, shared custody and single parent custody is quite rampant in our society. No wonder so many struggle with chronic anxiety. Throughout my life I have learned to accept the things that I cannot change and look towards my dad as the one stop shop for guidance and love since no love could ever come from my mother.

• Divorce isn’t your fault but we must recognize and understand that we are going to inherit emotional damage from a divorce
  
• No matter our age divorce harms our inner child. In order to heal that child we must care for ourselves as we would care for a hurt child.
  
• Focus on love instead of hate. When bad things happen to an anxiety sufferer it is easy to lash out which is where anxiety thrives. If you don’t have love from a parent, focus on love for your friends and current guardian
  
• Look to other mothers or fathers to help fill the void of your pain. Your best friend’s parents understand your situation and can empathize with your grief and pain. They can love you as much as they love their own biological child

Divorce harms everyone involved but we don’t have to let the pain control us

Anxiety grows from intense trauma. As a child we lack the processing ability to look at pain from a logical perspective. Our mind will desperately try and find a way to reduce the suffering we are surrounded by. Without an available solution for the suffering, anxiety takes residence within our soul and prepares for a long winter stay.

Love conquers fear

If you are the product of a broken home there is hope. Perhaps some psychological wounds are too deep to heal but we can still have the power as an adult to not repeat the cycle of trauma for ourselves or other children. The bond between mother and son is a sacred thing, but we can still feel love for others as long as we can love ourselves despite fear and anxiety. There is no perfect solution for anxiety resulting from divorce, but if we can learn to love ourselves and others perfectly we can start to heal our trauma.